I read about new mothers thrilled, happy and contented, tired but happy, ready and prepared for anything, proud of its gnappetto ........ and full of energy and a bit 'envy. I am not able to be so. Childbirth has destroyed me, even post partum.
....... I did not think it was so hard then, if I look back now, was not so hard, but at that moment seemed like a mountain to climb.
I did not want the caesarean ..... I did not want something that forever marked my body and that would make it even more difficult the first few days.
And then that milk would not come out.
And then my body that no longer recognized (and not because I lacked the stomach rather, I was looking forward to not it more).
And then my thinking, "but he made me do" that made me feel like shit @ total and made me cry.
And then my tears and continued out of control.
And then my not wanting to hold her up after hours that I was attached to the breast.
And then lose the milk and thinking "are not good tip for that."
And then my panic when my husband is back at work and my mom went out for half an hour just to go shopping.
And then to overcome my fear, without realizing it, the thin line that leads you to do something bad.
And then my body now lost that made me realize that you have a serious problem with food.
And then realize that a forum, maybe I always assumed I was much closer than I thought special friends.
And then the family that makes 4 for me.
And then my husband looks at me and says, "I can not wait to see you smile again."
Gnappi And then I took her face in her hands and caressing me.
And a husband who looks at me and says "I want to Ari and I will always be a huge asset to you ....... but I chose you."
And then I realize that I take back my life, I can not afford to be sick because they are no longer just me ... now I have the most beautiful creature in the world to look after, a helpless creature who needs me forever (as I have and I always need my mother), I have a husband who loves me to distraction and that if I resisted the period well, it's really a special man.
And I get up, but I get up with difficulty.
and began to write and speak with the only people (nick is really simplistic), outside the family, who are worried about me.
And then I get on that damn treadmill with the thought "this time I win."
And then I decided to write a little 'to explain a bit' to get rid of weight I'm a bit 'to make it clear to mums that can happen and you do not pass a good time ... but if you have the right people next, everything passes.
And then I look at the photos I have on my cell gnappetta with dad .... and I can not wait to get out to come back to them ..... and I realize that my life is when we are their life ... and how lucky to have a so beautiful family that loves me to distraction ....
and I want to churn out already the second .....:-)
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